Okay, so I know that after my last post, you're all probably going to be thinking that I'm the most bi-polar person ever...but this is what's going on right now here in Francia Sirpi: I have officially reached the end of that "honeymoon" period that they always told us about in SM class. Nothing dramatic has happened, but I've just been thinking a lot and it's really starting to sink in that I'll be here for 9 months. Up until now, I've been dealing with the change in cultures pretty well because I think that I've been able to pull a lot from my experience from going to school in Spain for a year. That has helped a lot. But Spain is just another civilization, not a third-world country. I'm always excited for new experiences and challenges, but I think now the novelty has worn off and reality has sunk in. This isn't just a fun-fun trip. This is my life now. I'm living in a jungle, thousands of miles from home, in a completely foreign culture with solar panel lights, limited technology, and no internet. NOTHING reminds me of home.
I guess I am realizing just how much I DON'T understand this culture. Apart from the Miskito language, which sounds nothing like any language I've ever heard, the people that I've come to serve cause me the most trouble. I guess one of the things that bothers me the most is the promiscuity here. Pretty much any girl over the age of 12 is a prime-time prize for any male in the village. The guys are very lewd and it is impossible to go anywhere without being whistled at or stared down shamelessly.
Just the other day, during the festivities for Nicaraguan Independence Day, they celebrated by having numerous culture dances. Let me just say that after watching those dances, there remains little question as to why girls at age 13, 14, 15 etc. are pregnant here. These school kids were all up into each other while they danced in the middle of the crowd. The looks in these guys' eyes scared me. They'd grin knowingly at each other as they got up on a girl. - So disgusting!. What's worse is that families, the parents and small children, just look on, seemingly unaffected. I felt horrified and uncomfortable just watching all of this.
Any way a girl might address a guy is taken as a com-on. Guys shout and motion at girls as if they were nothing more than sex objects. I know that as an SM, we are suppose to accustom ourselves to the culture, but to me, at least initially as an American foreigner, it really comes across as highly socially offensive. Ugh.
Also, we cannot trust ANY of the locals. They are all very crafty and work out ways to squeeze every possible penny out of your hands. They lie, they steal - even if they are our friends or members of the church. I'm normally a very trusting person but it's tough always having to be on your guard, not knowing if these people are lying to your face or not.
Even though these things are irritating me, at the same time I really feel for these people.
The people have nothing. They are so poor and they suffer so much. My entire life I've always felt like we've never been comfortably well-off. Nothing has ever been easy. But here, I feel FILTHY rich. Literally Filthy. A few days ago we went to visit some of the village people in the huts. We climbed up the lean-to ladders that accessed the huts and carefully maneuvered over the floorboards, trying to step on the studs because we felt like the damp floorboards might break. The huts smell like smoke because of the small coal fire they burn in the corner. Dirty, faded sheets hang in the windows as curtains. There's usually a shelf or two that holds everything the family owns; a few random rusted dishes, a few machetes, some other stuff and maybe a couple of books if there is a family member that is literate. There are no mosquito nets and not enough beds. I'm not sure where the children sleep......and most of the people smell like sweat and grime. The older people are missing teeth and have dark leathery skin. Even though they might look like they are 80 years old and on their death bed, it's probably more accurate to assume that they're only about 50 years old. It's a hard life.
I feel so bad for these people and their living conditions. These people have lived their whole lives with what I would consider "less than the necessities". I feel like such an absolutely selfish person for having a life that most American's would term "average". No wonder we get pegged with the reputation of being materialistic.
Overall, I'm just overwhelmed by how much I have to learn and do here. I feel so unprepared for everything. But then again, how could I possibly prepare myself for this? I have so much to learn.
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